The Port “Power” Joke and Picture Repository

The place for jokes and pictures about the most pathetic
Australian rules football team in the known universe

Port “Power” - making history since 1997

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 The jokes just keep coming out of Alberton Oval

First the astounding news yesterday that Port “Power” has run out of money, then today the SANFL refused to throw good money after bad and support the “Power” any further, forcing the AFL to throw the beleagured club a lifeline.

But apparently everything's rosy at Alberton Oval, where Port “Power” was born from the Port Adelaide Magpies in 1997.

Tonight on radio station 3AW in Melbourne, “Power” president Brett Duncanson was asked what the problem was.

“There is no problem,” was his reply. “Today has been a great day for the footy club.”

Great indeed. Broke, bottom of the ladder, no supporters, pathetic crowds and a bleak future. A proud, 15-year history of mediocrity, save a fluke premiership (and hasn't it all been downhill from there).

When the “Power” joined the league in 1997 they were going to be a powerhouse, pack Football Park every week, win a premiership in fewer years than it took the Crows (don't get me started on that one) and generally be pretty friggin' good.

The dream turned into a nightmare once they started playing with the big boys.

But they reckon moving home games to Adelaide Oval will save the “Power”. I doubt it.

Added May 31, 2011

 The funniest joke EVER about Port “Power”

Remember Monty Python's sketch about “the funniest joke in the world”? Well, the Monty Python blokes must rue the fact that they weren't around to do a sketch centred around this joke.

Ready? Better prepare yourself. Here goes:

“The 'Power' was established in 1870.”

Hilarious, huh! Last time I looked the “Power” began gracing us with their presence in the AFL in 1997.

No wonder all this “creed” rubbish they carry on with isn't working.

Time to cut the crap and face the facts, guys: Port “Power” - Established 1997.

Added May 1, 2011

 There's more history in the making

Congratulations to the “Power” on being the first club to lose to the Gold Coast Suns, and giving up a 40-point lead. Even the “Power” coach admits you're the laughing stock. Please, please don't stop, stop stop …”

“We'll never stop, stop, stop …”

Added May 1, 2011

 There's history here in the making

A club record seven losses in a row. Keep up the great work, guys.

“We'll never stop, stop, stop …”

Added July 3, 2010

 2007 grand final tribute to the “Power”

Relive that glorious day in September over and over …

Added April 8, 2009

 “Power” heritage guernsey

Power heritage guernsey

Added April 8, 2009

 Separated at birth?

Added April 8, 2009

 The new, smarter Lexus

A bloke bought a new Lexus but had to take it back to the dealer because he couldn't get the radio to work.

The car salesman explained that the radio was voice activated and demonstrated this brilliant new feature.

“Nelson,” the salesman said to the radio.

The radio responded “Ricky or Willie?”

“Willie,” he told the radio, which immediately burst into On the Road Again

Then the salesman said “AC/DC”, and in an instant It's a Long Way to the Top replaced the Willie Nelson song.

Understandably, the man drove away very happy with his decision to buy a Lexus.

“Billy Joel,” he would say, and Piano Man would start playing; “Rolling Stones” and Jumpin Jack Flash or one of the many other Stones hits would start playing.

Then one day the man was driving along minding his own business and listening to some of his favourite music when a car ran a red light and almost cleaned him up.

“F---ing arseholes,” he yelled.

And immediately the radio began playing “We've got the power to win …”

Added April 8, 2009

 No comment …

Added April 8, 2009

 Bright sparks  Who says “Power” supporters are uneducated fools?

Back to school for the banner makers The Advertiser, Adelaide, August 11, 2008. The banner was at Telstra Dome in Melbourne before the
“Power” handed Carlton its biggest win in seven years.

Added August 16, 2008

 Jokes  And still they come …

Q: What do you call one Port supporter on the moon?
A: Unlikely.
Q: Two Port supporters on the moon?
A: Very unlikely.
Q: Every Port supporter on the moon?
A: Problem solved.

Q: What do you call a hot chick in Port Adelaide?
A: A tourist.

Q: Who won the Port Adelaide beauty contest?
A: No one.

Q: What do you call three Port supporters in the sauna?
A: Gorillas in the mist.

Q: What do you call a Port supporter who has had an abortion?
A: Crimestopper

 2007 GRAND FINAL  The fallout continues

Q: Why did Cinderella run away from the ball?
A: Because she played for Port Adelaide.

Added November 19, 2007

 2007 GRAND FINAL  Priceless!

* Waiting in a queue for six hours to buy a grand final ticket.
* Sacrificing two dole cheques to pay for it.
* $200 of supporters gear (free when shoplifted).
* Risking two years' jail to steal a half-decent car to get you to Melbourne.
* 8 hours travel and $150 petrol (not including what you sniff or what you steal).
* Overnight stay (free on a park bench).
* Return trip another eight hours.
* Grand final result … PRICELESS!

Geelong 24.19.163 Port 6.8.44

Added October 5, 2007

 2007 GRAND FINAL  What the papers said …

Choose your own headline: Humiliated. Shamed. Debacle

KITTY LITTER Power's 119-point humiliation worst in grand final history.

Day they stop, stop stopped. Tradition goes out window as Port capitulates. Sunday Mail, Adelaide, September 30, 2007

Portside Messenger, Wednesday, October 3, 2007. In affectionate remembrance of PORT ADELAIDE FOOTBALL, WHICH DIED AT THE MCG ON 29TH SEPTEMBER, 2007. Deeply lamented by a large circle of
sorrowing friends and acquaintances. R.I.P. N.B. The body will be cremated
and the ashes taken to Geelong. * Apologies to the original 1882 Ashes notice, which recorded the “death” of English cricket.

Added October 5, 2007

 2007 GRAND FINAL  New Port song

Aint got no Power to win
Can't manage a grin
Boo hoo, Port Adelaide depression

We are the Power from Port
Out our last game was a rort
Now that's true Port Adelaide tradition

We always stop, stop, stop
When we get close to top
There's history here in the making

We're the first team from SA
To lose on Grand Final day
And the first to get a 20 goal baking

We think tradition is strong
We've such a crappy song

We're the Alberton crowd
We're obnoxious and loud
And the heroes are those
Who are on the nose

We wear the prison bars
And teal on our clothes

Can't afford Chardonnay
There's only beer in our fridge
And we sleep each night
Under Birkenhead Bridge

Ain't go no Power to win
But we still pillage and sin
Come on, Port Adelaide submission

We are insipid and weak
Our supporters are freaks
It's true Port Adelaide tradition

We'll never stop, stop, stop
Off to the hydroponics shop
There's misery here in the making

Let's cop this loss on the chin
And climb back into the bin
'Til our dole cheque's there for the taking


Added October 5, 2007

 2007 GRAND FINAL  Apology from Channel 10

Channel 10 would like to apologise for the programming error on Saturday.

The TV guide said AFL Grand Final but unfortunately they screened Australia's Biggest Losers by mistake.

Once again Channel 10 apologises for the inconvenience.

Added October 5, 2007

 2007 GRAND FINAL  Premiership T-shirt

Premiership T-shift. Port: Premiers 2007? No. Port: Lost by 20 goals.

Added October 5, 2007

 2007 GRAND FINAL  Port Magic Moments

Power2007.pps (Microsoft PowerPoint document)

Added October 5, 2007

 2007 GRAND FINAL  Jokes (apart from the entire Port Adelaide Football Club)

Q: What do you do for a drowning Power player?
A: Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway.

Q: What is the difference between Mount Everest and Port Power?
A: Not everyone has walked over Everest

Q: Did you hear Choko Williams has a new media job??
A: He is the new host of Australia's Biggest Losers.

Added October 5, 2007

 2007 GRAND FINAL  Special offer

Special Offer! Buy one Port Adelaide football team, and they'll throw in the towel!

Added October 5, 2007

 Typical Port Woman

Added October 5, 2007

 IQ robot

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.

The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, “What's your IQ?”

The man replies, “150”, and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming, factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and sexual proclivities.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, “This is really cool.”, and decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink.

Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, “What's your IQ?”

“About a 100,” the man responds.

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time about football, the Bathurst 1000, cricket, supermodels, favourite fast foods, guns, and the like.

Really impressed, the man leaves then walks in again.

“What's your IQ?” the robot asks.

“Er, 50, I think.”

And the robot responds, very, very slowly, “So, I expect you'll be following Port Adelaide again this year?”

Added April 13, 2006

 Port Adelaide membership test

Solve just one of these perplexing puzzles and you're eligible for membership of the Port Adelaide Football Club! But be warned: these puzzles will really test you.

Added April 13, 2006

 One-hit wonders

One-hit wonders (Microsoft PowerPoint document. 1.3Mb download.)

Added March 16, 2006

 Port Adelaide Monopoly

Added March 16, 2006

 Alberton footwear

A “Power” supporter is walking down the main street at Alberton wearing one thong. A passerby says, “Have you lost a thong, mate?” The “Power” supporter replies, “Nah, mate, I found one.”

Added March 15, 2006

 Port “Power” and the Pope #1

A little boy from Adelaide is in Rome on holiday with his family hoping to see the Pope.

A couple of days after they arrive, the Pope is doing a tour of the city in his Popemobile. The little lad is a bit worried that the Pope won't be able to pick him out in the crowd, so his Mum says “Don't worry, the Pope is a footy fan, so wear your Crows jumper and he's bound to pick you out and talk to you.”

They're in the crowd waiting anxiously when the Popemobile approaches but drives past them. It stops a bit further down the street where the Pope gets out and speaks to a little boy in a Port 'Power' jumper.

The boy in the Crows jumper is distraught and starts crying. Against her better judgement, his Mum says “Don't worry, the Pope's driving around tomorrow as well, so we'll get you a Port jumper and then he's bound to see you.”

The next day arrives, and the boy's got on his new Port jumper.

The Popemobile drives straight up to him. The Pope gets out of the Popemobile, shuffles up to the boy, bends over to him and says, “I thought I told you to fuck off yesterday.”

Added March 6, 2006

 More jokes

A: Whats the difference between a cactus and the Port Adelaide clubroom?
A: A cactus has pricks on the outside.

You know you're a Port supporter if your baby's first words were, “Attention, Kmart shoppers.”

Added March 2, 2006

 The truck driver and the priest

A truck driver is driving down the highway when he sees a priest hitch-hiking. He stops to pick up the priest, but he has a few misgivings about giving him a ride as usually when the driver sees a Port Adelaide supporter on the he runs them over. But with a priest in the truck, he wouldn't be able to carry out his favourite pastime.

But being a good bloke, the truck driver decides to pick up the priest and forgo his fun for this one trip.

Just after the priest jumps into the cab they come across a Port supporter hitchhiking.

The diver decides to swerve to avoid the “Power” supporter but hears a buge “BOOM!”

The driver looks over at the priest, who says, “Don't worry - I got him with the door.”

Added March 2, 2006

 The brothers Jaidyn

A Port Adelaide supporter went down to Centrelink to claim welfare after realising she was the only one of her friends - who were all “Power” supporter - who was not on benefits.

“How many children do you have?” the man at Centrelink asked.

“Ten,” she replied.

“What are their names?”

“Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn and Jaidyn,” she replied.

“They're all named Jaidyn?” he asked “What if you want them to come in from playing outside?”

“Oh, that's easy,” she said. “I just call 'Jaidyn,' and they all come running in.”

“And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?”

“I just say, 'Jaidyn, come eat your dinner',” she answered.

“But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?” he asked.

“Oh, that's easy,” she said. “I just use their last name.”

Added March 2, 2006

 Port Adelaide honeymoon

A Port “Power” couple gets married and are on their honeymoon.

The woman changes into a sexy outfit and lies on the bed. She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, “Please be gentle with me. I'm a virgin.”

The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his father, who comforts him by saying, “Now, now. It'll be okay, son. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours.”

Added March 2, 2006

 Port Adelaide vasectomy

After having her 11th child to 11 different fathers, a Port Adelaide woman decided that she'd had enough and didn't want another child with her current partner. So she sent her husband to the doctor. The man told the doctor that his girlfriend didn't want to have any more children, even though the Centrelink payments were fantastic.

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem, but it was expensive.

But the doctor said that a less costly alternative would be for the man to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a West End beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

“Bloody hell. I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me,” the boyfriend said.

“Trust me, it will do the job,” said the doctor.

So the Port “Power” supporter went home, and the very next morning straight after breakfast, he grabbed one of the cans from the slab of West End that he, the wife and the kids had just demolished. He lit a banger and put it in the can then held the can up to his ear and began to count: “1, 2, 3, 4, 5,”, at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.

Added February 23, 2006


A: Why do Port Adelaide fans stink?
A: So blind people can hate them, too.

A: What's got 100 legs and 4 teeth?
A: The front row of the Port Adelaide cheer squad.

A: If you see a Port Adelaide fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bike.

A: What do you call a Port Adelaide fan in a Mercedes?
A: A thief.

A: What is your wife trying to tell you if she's wearing a Port Adelaide shirt to bed?
A: You ain't going to score.

Added February 23, 2006

 Coming to The Port

“Power” coach Mark Williams gets wind of a potential new young recruit who lives in Iraq. Williams and the “Power” recruiting manager jump on a plane to war-torn Baghdad and track the young boy down.

They risk life and limb dodging bombs, bullets and grenades but finally find him and convince him to come to Australia.

The boy does a full pre-season, plays all the practice matches and gets picked on the bench in the seniors for the first game of the year.

Ten minutes into the first quarter, Chad Cornes goes down with a severe knee injury. Mark Williams turns to the boy and says, “This is it son, go to centre half-forward and show us what you can do.”

The boy proceeds to play the greatest debut game in AFL history. He kicks nine goals, takes mark of the year and kicks the winning goal after the siren from outside 50.

The “Power” players chair him off the ground and give him three cheers back in the rooms. Mark Williams tells the team what the boy from Iraq has been through and that he is a model lesson for all.

“Choko, as Williams is affectionately known by the scum supporters, then pulls the boy aside and says,

“Son, go into my office, ring your mother and tell her what you did today.”

“So he heads off to the office and dials. “Mum,” he says, “Guess what I did today?”

“I don't care what you did today,” his mother replies. “I tell you what happened here today. Your Dad was stabbed and robbed, our house torched, our car blown up, your sister raped and your brother abducted.”

“Gee,” says the boy, “I feel a bit responsible for what happened.” The Mother replies, “So you should be. If it wasn't for you we would never have shifted to Port Adelaide.“

Added February 23, 2006

 Football wives

Three women with footy-fan husbands are discussing their relationships.

The first says, “My husband follows the Lions and let me tell you our sex life is like one premiership after another.”

The second says, “My husband is a Crows man and every night is like the back-to-back victories of 1997 and '98.”

They then look at their friend, who hasn't yet said a thing.

“Whats wrong,“ they say as their friend starts sobbing. “Well,” she says hesitantly, “my husband supports the 'Power', and all he does is sit on the end of the bed and tell me how wonderful it's going to be.”

Added February 23, 2006

 2003 First Qualifying Final – Sydney 15.10 (100) d Port Adelaide 13.10 (88)

Port Chokelaide: The face of choking. 2003 First Qualifying Final – Sydney 15.10 (100) d Port Adelaide 13.10 (88).

 You know you're from Port Adelaide when …

  1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
  2. You let your 12-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
  3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
  4. Jack Daniels makes your list of “most admired people”.
  5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
  6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: “Hey, watch this.”
  7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
  8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
  9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: “Carn the Power.”
  10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.
  11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.
  12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
  13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
  14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
  15. You think “loaded dishwasher” means your wife is drunk.
  16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
  17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.

 Amazing new washing detergent

Amazing new washing detergent .. takes the shit right out of your shirt!

 Who's your daddy?

Port “Power” is second on the ladder again after losing the last three Grand Finals to the Crows, and they simply cannot beat them.

Mark Williams is worried and starts to fret (as he does) and so he calls Malcolm Blight and gets himself invited to a Crows training session.

Chocko watches proceedings but cannot find the secret weapon.

So Williams asks Blight what the difference between the two teams is.

Blight replies: “Chocko, it's just that our players are a more intelligent breed.

“They can put their brilliant minds to work on the field. I will give you an example.”

Blight calls over Nigel Smart and asks him a question: “A person is your father's son, but it's not your brother. Who is it?”

Smart thinks for a second and then replies, “It's me!.”

Thereupon Blight turns to a smiling and nodding Williams and says, “You see.”

Williams drives back to Alberton and straight to his training session.

He calls over Gavin Wanganeen.

“Gavin, answer me this question: 'A person is your father's son but it is not your brother, who is it?'”

Gavin stands there floundering and finally gives up. “Dunno, Chocko.”

Williams is disappointed but does not want to give up.

“Gavin, you have a night to think about it. Come and tell me the answer tomorrow.”

Wanganeen goes away and thinks as hard as he can, all to no avail. So he calls in his teammates.

Peter Burgoyne thought it might be his Grandpa but wasn't sure.

Shaun Burgoyne was certain that it couldn't be anyone.

Darryl Wakelin admitted he was sacked from St Kilda for not knowing.

Josh Francou also owned up to failing the test while trying to get a kick with another club.

Domenic Cassisi thought it would be an uncle in Italy who had been adopted as a child.

The rest of the team wouldn't even hazard a guess.

Warren Tredrea went into the foetal position.

Wanganeen drives home in his Monaro and asks his wife the same question, but of course does not get an answer.

So he is sitting in his living room mulling over the question when he decides to call his friend Brett Chalmers (who has played for the Crows).

“Hi Brett, answer this question: A person is your father's son but it's not your brother, who is it?”

Brett asks for time to think about it and calls him back two hours later and says “It's me!”

Wanganeen says “Oh yeah, of course!”

Next day at training Williams approaches a smiling Wanganeen and asks him, “So, Gavin, a person is your father’s son but it's not your brother, who is it?”

“It's Brett Chalmers!” declares Wanganeen.

“No you idiot,” says Chocko, “it's Nigel Smart!”

 Jesus and the “Power” supporter

A Crows supporter in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Crows fan looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?”

The waitress nodded “yes”, so he told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in was a West Coast Eagles supporter with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus over there?”

The waitress nodded, so he said, “Give Jesus a cup of hot tea, my treat.”

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Power supporter on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, “Hey there, chick, how's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke!”

He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that God's kid over there?” The waitress nodded, so he said to give Jesus a cold glass of coke, on his bill.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Crows supporter, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.”

The man felt the strength come back into his legs, then got up and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Eagles supporter, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.”

The Eagles supporter felt his back straightening, and he raised up his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of backflips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Port supporter. The guy jumped up and yelled, “Don't touch me! I'm on disability pension!”

 “Power” toilet paper

Power toilet paper

 An impartial view of Port “Power” and their supporters

From the Geelong Football Club website in 2004: Just got back from the game (Geelong v Port “Power” in Adelaide), and I am led to wonder whether Port Adelaide actually has the worst fans in the AFL.
Some of the reasons:

 Just in case you've forgotten the 2005 semi-final

2005 semi-final. Adelaide 18.15(123) d Port 5.10(40)

 They never stop, stop, stop …

A police officer is in a morgue finishing off some paperwork when he sees a naked body lying face down on a table. Upon further inspection he notices a cork stuck in the body's anus.

Curiosity gets the better of him and he removes the cork.

All of a sudden the police officer hears “We'll never stop, stop, stop, till we're top, top, top!”. He quickly replaces the cork and rushes to find the morgue attendant.

When the officer finds the attendant he takes him to the body and tells the attendant to remove the cork. The attendant, looking a little puzzled, removes the cork and suddenly “We'll never stop, stop, stop, till we're top, top, top!” is heard once more.

The police officer asks the attendant if he has ever experienced anything like this before.

The attendant looks at the police officer in surprise and says: “Of course I have! Hundreds of arseholes sing that song!”

 Miss Adelaide v. Miss Port Adelaide

Miss Adelaide v. Miss Port Adelaide

 You know the Royal Adelaide Show is on when …

Port Power Showbag contents $8.00 (CONCESSIONS $1.00)

 Hello, triple-0!

Hello, triple-0! It's Warren Tredrea. Send help. We have 22 people choking to death out here. Please hurry!

 Power fans are not stupid

50,000 Power fans meet at Alberton Oval for a “POWER FANS ARE NOT STUPID” convention.

Mark Williams says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that Power supporters are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?”

Byron Pickett gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

Mark asks him, “What is 15 plus 15?”

After 15 or 20 seconds, Byron says, “Eighteen!”

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then all 50,000 Power fans start chanting, “GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!”

Chocko says, “Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 50,000 of you in one place and we have the worldwide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance”.

So he asks, “What is seven plus seven?” After nearly 30 seconds, Byron eventually says, “Ninety!”

The coach is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh.

Everyone is disheartened. Byron starts crying, and the 50,000 Power fans begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, “GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!!”

Mark unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, “OK! Just one more chance … What's two plus two?”

Byron closes his eyes, and after a full minute expires and lets out a gasp: “Four!”

Throughout Alberton pandemonium breaks out.

All 50,000 Power fans jump to their feet, wave their arms, stamp their feet and scream “GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!”

 Softer than butter

Power Margarine. 100% talk. Softer than butter! … Looking for something to eat with your words, Chad?

 Stepping over the line

Port training was cancelled the other day due to a suspicious white powder found on the field.

After calling in the police and having the substance inspected it was discovered this substance was in fact the goal square.

Training resumed as it was assumed the power would never encounter this substance again.

 Everyone's favourites

Mark Williams' Marshmallows. Warning: Choking Hazard.

 One nothing

Port Power are making a help-line available for fans who are disappointed with their team's recent performance. The help-line number is 1800 10 10 10 That's 1800 won nothing won nothing won nothing!!!

 New mascot

 Bin Laden: “Power” were crap

Osama bin Laden has appeared on Iraqi TV to quell rumours of his death in an explosion in Baghdad. To prove that his television appearance was not pre-recorded Osama stated that he, “watched the footy on the weekend and the “Power” were crap!”

British and US government officials have dismissed the report saying it could have happened any time over the past year.


Q: What is the difference between Port Power and an arsonist?
A: An arsonist wouldn't waste that many matches.

Q: How many Port Power fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.

Q: What's the difference between Warren Treadrea and God?
A: God doesn't think he's Warren Treadrea.

Q: What's the difference between a Port Power fan and a vibrator?
A: A Port Power fan is a real dick

Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Alberton?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are in the Crows rooms.

Q: How is a pint of milk different than a Port Power supporter?
A: If you leave the milk out for a week it develops a culture.

Q: What do you call a sheep tied to a stobie pole on Port Road in Alberton?
A: A leisure centre.

Q: Why did the Port Power fan climb the glass window?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: How do you kill a Port Power fan when he's been drinking?
A: Slam the toilet seat on his head.

Q: What do you get if you cross a Port Power fan with a pig?
A: Thick bacon.

Q: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So they aren't mistaken for Port Power women.

Q: What's the difference between a Port Power supporter and an Onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up a Port Power fan.

Q: What do you call an Port Power fan in a suit?
A: The accused.

Q: What do you say to a Port Power fan with a job?
A: Can I have a Big Mac, please.

Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Warren Treadrea?
A: Clinton can score.

Q: How do you make a Port Power fan run?
A: Build a job centre.

Q: How do you know when you're staying in a Port Adelaide hotel?
A: When you call the front desk and say, “I gotta leak in my sink,” and the clerk replies, “Go ahead.”

Q: Where was the toothbrush invented?
A: Port Adelaide. If it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teeth brush.

Port Adelaide announces new sponsor … Kleenex. Put some Kleenex Tissues softness in your life.

 Showdown 15 - the Crows' secret weapon

Now the game is over, the secret weapon used by the Crow's players to thrash Port Adelaide can be disclosed.

At the start of the game, each Crows player was told to engage in the following conversation with the Port Adelaide player he was standing:

Crow player: “All the best. It's going to be a big game.”
Port player: “Yeah. It will be big.”
Crow player: “After losing the last seven showdowns and being one in five this season, this is like a final.”
Port player: “Did you say, like a FINAL?”


The all-new Port Power Special Edition Holden Commodore - The Powerdore

 Port “Power” and the Pope #2

On a tour of Australia the Pope took a couple of days off to visit Aldinga Beach with shark victim Rodney Fox. His 4 x 4 Pope-Mobile was driving along the golden sands when there was an enormous commotion.

They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just outside the surf, a hapless man wearing a Port Power football jersey, struggling to free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot shark.

At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Crows tops roared into view.

Spontaneously, one of the men took aim at the shark and fired a harpoon into its back, immobilising it instantly.

The other two reached out and pulled the Port fan from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.

They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious man into the boat along with the dead shark and prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic calling from the shore.

It was the Pope, summoning them to the beach.

Upon reaching land, the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said “I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I'd heard there were racist, xenophobic people trying to divide the people of South Australia but now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true”.

“I can see your society is a truly enlightened example of tribal harmony which could serve as a model for other nations”.

He blessed them all and drove off.

As he departed, the harpoonist asked the others “Who was that?!”

“That,” one answered “was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God's wisdom.”

“Well,” the harpoonist replied, “he knows f**k all about shark fishing. How's the bait holding up or do we need to get another one?”

 RIP Power

RIP Port Power. Died 10th September 2005. You will be missed by no-one.

A policeman pulls over a Monaro on Port Road and says to the driver, “Got any ID?” and the driver replies “Bout wot?”

A new law was recently passed in Port Adelaide. When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

A guy walked into a bar in Port Adelaide and orders a Bundy & Coke. The bartender looks at the man and says, “You ain't from 'round here are ya?”

“No”, replies the man, “I'm from Norwood.” The bartender looks at him and says, “Well, what do ya do in Norwood?” “I'm a taxidermist”, said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered now, asks, “What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?”

The man says, “I mount animals”.

The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar: “It's okay boys, he's one of us!”

 Viens a moi, David Jones and two “Power” girls

Two young Port Power girls enter a David Jones store, walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.

Shazza sprays it on her wrist and smells it: “That's quite nice, innit, don't ya fink, Cherylyn?”

Yeah, what's it called?”

“Viens a moi.”

“VIENS A MOI, what the f*ck does that mean?”

At this stage the assistant offers some help.

“Viens a moi, ladies, is French for “come to me"”.

Shazza takes another sniff and offers her arm to Cherylyn, saying, “That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you, Cherylyn?”

 Penned after the 2002 Choke-Adelaide performance

We've got the Power to choke,
We are such a joke,
C'Mon Port Adelaide pretenders.

We are the losers from Port,
We should give up this sport,
'Cause it seems we can't win a final.

We're such a flop, flop, flop
Let's just stop, stop, stop!
There's embarrassment here in the making.

Forget Port Adelaide Proud,
We're just obnoxious and loud,
As a contender, we really have been faking,

A final we cannot win,
It's too hard - let's give in,
Lets go home and have a cup of cocoa.

On us the Magpies did romp,
We belong in the lo-cal comp,
This may be our very darkest hour,

September 6 if you saw us,
Just grab your thesaurus,
Look up chokers it now says PORT POWER


Port Adelaide wedding

 Typical port power supporters

A family of Power supporters head out one Saturday morning to do their Christmas shoplifting.

While in Rebel Sports the son picks up a Crows footy jumper and says to his 10-year-old sister, “Hey mole, I've decided to become a Crows supporter and I want this for Christmas.”

His sister, outraged by this, promptly whacks him round the head with her carton of Winfields and says, “Shithead, go talk to Mum.”

Off goes the little lad with the Crows footy jumper stuffed up his shirt and finds his mother.


“Yes son?”

“I've decided I'm going to be a Crows supporter and I want this jumper for Christmas.”

The mother is outraged at this and throws her moccasins and a full stubbie of VB at him, smacks him in the gob and says, “Lets go talk to your father”.

Off they go to Yatala during visiting hours, with footy jumper in hand, and find Mongrel, his toothless, tattooed father.


“Yes knackers?”

“I've decided I'm going to be a Crows supporter and I want this jumper for Christmas.”

The father goes berserk and gives his son an all mighty backhander and says, “No bastard of mine is ever going to be seen wearing THAT SHIT”, then kicks his arse from one end of the rec room to the other, just for good measure.

About half an hour later they're all back in the old Torana and heading towards home (Alberton). The mother turns to her son and says “Knackers, I hope you've learned something today?”

The son says, “Shit yes.”

“Good knackers, what is it?”

The son replies, “I've only been a Crows supporter for a couple of hours, and already I hate you Port Power pricks!”

Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read: “Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Port Power fan.” So, one of them asked the other: “When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?”

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